music

albums, eps, singles

as kagyrgyn restoration

i. mertvyy okean

download

mertvyy okean is one of the first forays i had into creating ambient music. it's mostly droney vaporwave-inspired synth music, a sprawling album lasting almost two hours. it was mostly made to deal with the anger and pain i felt at the dysphoria i was feeling back then, hence the dark, empty feeling of a lot of the tracks, and the strange repetitive and cyclical nature of the album. it was made pre-transition - i had barely come out to myself - and, to top it all off, i was crushing on a girl hard (she is now my girlfriend!). it foreshadows the basic style that a lot of jamie awakshidar tracks would have, from the atmospheric synths to the ethereal vocals.

ii. darien

download

darien is a strange, turbulent album. it's a recording of a live set i played to nobody in particular in the middle of the night in the middle of absolutely nowhere. it was made with a couple of cassette tape recorders with samples i had collected, a phonograph, and an AM radio (all in one machine, actually! very convenient!). as a result of this method, it sounds very very different to the rest of my live material. it contains samples of unidentifiable classical music - that just happened to spring onto the radio at the time of recording - the alexandrov ensemble, footsteps, synth drone recordings, and various old folk music records. nonetheless, it's a solid album, and by far the most commercially successful kagyrgyn restoration release. it nails the post-soviet atmosphere i always go for in my work, and i'd love to make something akin to it. (distant flash by valyri is another release that nails this atmosphere, despite being american.) this is the first release on the label hairs a-blazin.

iii. flame

download

flame is the most critically acclaimed kagyrgyn restoration album. it's ambient music tinged with bits of minimal techno and industrial drumming, mostly stuff i sampled from old tracks i had lying around. empty//apparatus, the leading single off the album, was the first song i ever had with a proper choreographed music video alongside it. flame ended up being a moderate success in the post-industrial, deconstructed club scene, and it's still one of my favourites. atmospheric synths on top of vaporised drums and noise results in something quite nice.

ep, i. a valediction

download

a valediction is a highly experimental noisecore / black metal ep released in january of 2019. it was highly influenced by the work of fatima al qadiri and death grips. it's named after a poem and also a tattoo i have.

as jamie awakshidar

i. there is more beauty in corruption

download

there is more beauty in corruption was created from an idea i had - to abandon the 'vaporwave scene' and to create something from a genre i liked and respected. this album served as kind of a stepping stone in between the two. originally, this would serve as a precursor to wavecrash, showcasing production techniques i had learned through my time in the post-industrial scene but following song structures more analogous to classic techno or vocal trance. in collaboration with anna pakova, sic transit gloria mundi was remade from a demo by my old band mushroom spacemen. i improvised entire songs sometimes - in corruption, for example, was made from two samples being loaded into a daw and played at various speeds, time warp settings, and pitches. it was released by asura revolver in mid-2018 on a full-colour printed-shell cassette, and caused a really nice reaction from fans of hauntology, house, and techno.

ii. wavecrash

download

wavecrash is probably my favourite thing i've done. it's a gothic rock album produced during the hardest time in my life - i had just come out, left home, and was hopelessly alone, yearning, and jealous. half of the tracks are about the intense jealousy i felt about people in my life, who all seemed to be doing so much better than me in almost all respects. my favourite tracks are about crushes - that is, orthodox and jealousy, which are both about real interactions i had with romance, sexuality, and my newly-exposed identity in the world of newfound adulthood. the cover was made during a short stay at my best friend's house which ended up being one of the most artistically transformative experiences of my life, exposing me to the idea of fashion and music overlapping, and of expressing myself, my gender, and my sexuality, and teaching me about the most influential artists of the past and present in our scene: lebanon hanover, she past away, the cure, my chemical romance, and linkin park. this transformative time produced wavecrash, a journey through the oddities and curiosities in my head at the time.

iii. ?????????????

download

this album will release in 2020.

single, i. heroine

download

two covers, one by dds.wmv and another by the cure. both were done with limited use of samples and an intention to change up the style of the pieces to an extent. it can be considered a precursor to my upcoming album, though neither of the tracks feature on it.